Eiri the Psychopath Killer
by EarnestInBerlin
Summary: Inspired by Johnny the Homicidal Maniac. Anyone who loves Kumaguro should think twice before reading this.
1. Meet The Psychopath Killer

A/N: Almost everything has been stolen from the rightful owners… the plot and the characters… So for the first time in my whole fanfiction life I would like to put a disclaimer.

Disclaimer: Plot belongs to Jhonen Vasquez. Characters belong to Maki Murakami.

The only thing that belongs to me is that ball pen and the pad paper with my first draft of this.

**Meet the Psychopath Killer**

"Mama?" the overflowing light shaped by the door onto the darkness spilled like milk, a small form in the middle clutching his bunny doll.

"Mommy's ignoring you, honey" the lady lying on the bed didn't much lift herself up to look at the pink haired boy. All he could see of his kin was her legs, the one dangling on the end of the bed. "Go bother your father, he's in the study"

He closed the door gently- not wanting to disturb his resting mother.

"Come on, Kuma-kun, Papa will help us…"

There was a crash from the neighbor's house.

"Papa…" he said as he opened the door, "I'm scared, I heard noises… Papa?"

"We just moved here, you're just not used to the sounds of this place", uncaring in his tone.

Bent on a computer screen, his ticking fingers were glued to the letters on the pad of his laptop. His father's eyes never leaving the words he typed, not even once. Didn't even bother to look at his son the same way his wife did.

"I'm busy right now. Working" putting much emphasis on the last word, "That's all I seem to do now. I have to work to keep you alive. To feed you. I haven't smiled once since you were born. Go to sleep."

The bubblegum haired boy wanted to tell him about the pleas of help that went crawling for attention. He also mentioned that his bunny doll also has heard them too, if ever he wants another witness to the said noises.

"Go to bed now or else those 'things' might hear you"

"O… okay daddy"

Shuichi could do nothing, not even the Kumaguro could convince them of the terror raking in his chest.

"Let's hurry back to our room, Kuma-kun; at least we could fall asleep before we die…"

**(SPACE HERE)**

Shuichi couldn't help but cover himself with the only protection he's got: the thin shield of his blanket. The sound that was emitted from the other side of his bedroom window was an eerie orchestra of things that sounds like someone dying and crying for dear life. Reassurance can only give him a purple talking rabbit by the name of Kumaguro (who can only be heard by the seven year old boy).

He didn't bother to eavesdrop; the pink haired boy could already hear the faint help for 'save me' before something stopped it from his next door neighbor's house.

"Kuma-kun, can you hear that?" Shuichi whispered as not to let the ghosts in the room hear.

To the trembling child, he heard the bunny's nonchalant reply of affirmative.

"Kuma-kun…" Shuichi took a little peek outside before cowering back inside his blanket, a butcher seeming to plague his mind, "How can you be so cool??"

A break of glass went bouncing around the room to be caught by his ever attentive ears.

"What?! Are you crazy?" the scared child said as the stuffed toy suggested an outrageous act. "You don't think that was _our_ window that broke…"

Footsteps of unknown origin cut his conversation with the doll. Shuichi sat up in mild shock. The color on his face was drained; the hair on the back of his head was standing on all ends. The pink haired boy held Kumaguro in a chocking grasp, and all the bunny could do was hang limply.

"Kuma-kun…" he started his sentence for the third time, "Somebody broke in the house"

The bunny could've replied 'duh'.

Shuichi craned his neck, to listen to the man's stroll down the hallway, outside his door.

They were at a normal pace; no dragging of a corpse or the hurry of speed in anxiety. The footsteps didn't indicate any sort of emotion the cotton candy haired boy could deduce. It could've easily been mistaken as his unloving father's gait or his uncaring mother's stride. But the fact that there might be a window broken down the hall serves his suspicions of an intruder going to their bathroom's side.

"It sounds like he's going to the bathroom… what if we he goes to Mama and Papa's room! We should protect them!"

The bunny remained impassionate- read: impassive- in his arms about that topic.

"You know that's not true, Kuma-kun! They're my parents, its bad to call people evil, especially your parents! I know they love me even if they say I should get kidnapped!"

Something falling from outside

"Um… I think we need a bit of protection first…"

**(SPACE HERE)**

Shuichi slowly opened the door.

Indeed he was armed for a midnight duel with his not so imaginary monster. He used a bowl that he forgot to return to their kitchen as head gear- a piece of string tied beneath his chin. And his only weapon against any vicious attacks would be the baseball bat in one of his hands. His other arm was preoccupied with the bunny.

His constant and only companion had on a brown paper bag over his head, holes cut out for his eyes and ears.

When the terrified boy took a peek at the hallways, his violet orbs grew ten times their size. He saw the shattered pieces of what used to be the window down the hall scattered in a one jagged line going to the bathroom. Along with the sharp pieces were the large amounts of blood of the one who forced entry into his home.

As he tried so hard to overcome the jitters running across his body; he couldn't help but give his bunny one last talk about the 'plan' they had concocted again.

"Re… remember… Kuma-kun" the child started, as he tiptoed through the glass while almost nearing hyperventilation, "If… if… the bad man… k-k-kills… me" (he gulps down, _I hope not_) "Remember…. Remember to run away… k, k, okay? You'll… you will be… m-m-my witness… and I… I don't think he won't hurt you…"

"Especially… if… if you run… very fast… And… and the bag on your head… he won't ever… ever, ever know who you are…"

As he neared the frame of the open door, the spillage of blood mixed along with some of the bathroom necessities is what his eyes met. Boxes of random this and that that belonged solely to the medicine cabinet were flung in haste to the tiles.

He went closer to the door, when the boy, his bunny and the bat finally destroyed the air between him and the frame he took a peek.

The intruder has his back on the boy, and he was carelessly throwing away things from their cabinet as if looking for something.

"God damn it! Where is the fucking Bactine?!" he said rather loudly, his voice echoing across the tiles. His furious state made him squeeze toothpaste in his hand, pushing out the blue green jelly in waste.

"Um… excuse me…?"

"Oh, hello there…"

"My name is Eiri, but you can call me 'Ri' for short. And who might you be?" He was a teenager. His hair was yellow and messy. His handsome face was dotted with scars. There were many rips and tears on his shirt and jeans. From where Shuichi stood he could see the teen's dagger poking from his back.

"Shuichi" came out in a horrified squeak.

Eiri's, or 'Ri's' as the teen said, went down to level with the boy. From this view, the boy could see the madness in the other in the form of yellow eyes.

"Shuichi, huh? Mind if I call you Shu, instead?" he scratched the back of his head as if he finally realized he just broke in someone else's house, "Well, I don't mean to interlude but where do you keep the Bactine? Some of this blood is actually mine"

Eiri went back to the medicine cabinet.

"Oh wait, don't answer that... I found it" the blond teenager twisted the cap and threw away it in a forgotten corner. With that out, he spilled the entire liquid on his head and wounds, "Damn, that one really put a struggle! Scrapped me up like he was a cat on crack!! Nothing quite brings out the zest for life in a person like the thought of their impending death!"

For a moment, his visitor's whole was covered an unexplainable dark as he lifted his dagger and pulled out a wicked chuckle from his throat, "I see by the looks of you, that you understand…"

Shuichi, like always, only looked up in fear.

"So, Shu, what's an adorable boy like you out of bed with this darling get up?" the man cooed after emptying the whole concoction on himself, his warm smile a contrast to the look he managed to get in. "Oh look, you even bought a friend with you!"

The violet eyed child's lower lip trembled slightly.

"Please, Mister…"

"Don't call me that, Shu, it makes me sound old. Call me, Ri"

"Please Ri… don't kill Mama and Papa… just because… they're not that nice doesn't mean you… can…"

"Woah… kill your folks? I wasn't planning on killing your folks…" the man said, "I was just here for some Bactine that's all!! So that's what the baseball bat is for!"

His violet eyes glowed with relief as he put down the baseball bat on the floor- it was getting sort of heavy.

"You were…?"

"Yes, that was all… but if you want me to-"

"No! Please don't!"

"Okay, I was just kidding!" the blond boy chuckled, "Who's your friend? And why's there a paper bag on his head?"

"Um, him?" Shuichi lifted Kuma, feeling a bit happy that the mad man from next door won't hurt his parents anymore, "His name is Kumaguro…"

"Well, hello there Kumaguro! It's nice meeting you here!" he waved a bloodied hand to the toy, stinking with Bactine, "Can I hold him?"

"Sure…"

"Oh look at you! You are such an adorable bear, yes you are!" childish coos spilling out his mouth every now and then, "Such a cutie bunny, he doesn't want this cover on his cutie head! Nu uh!"

The little boy realized, as he watched the playful banter between the two that he was giggling at the sight. Somehow, his fear that he might be reduced to a bloody pulp has now disappeared.

"What was that, Kuma? You think so? Really…? Wait, can you say that last a bit louder?" the warm expression on his face disappeared and was replaced by the lunacy that he had on before, "WELL, **FUCK YOU**, BUNNY BITCH! YOU SPEAK LIES! LIES!!"

"How many more like you are there?! How many more? You can't even imagine the things I've endured! And always at the hands of **shit** like you!!" Shuichi watched in paralyzing angst as Eiri pulled out his twisted dagger from behind then lifted it up, smashing Kuma to the nearest bathroom wall and pinning him there.

"**You don't know the truth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**"

With that bold declaration, he stabbed the rabbit multiple times on the chest. The seven year old couldn't find his voice to scream as fluff began flying here and there every time the dagger went up and down.

(A/N: Hahaha, get it? **Bold**?)

"Oh…" Ri realized once again, he handed the bear with his chest ripped open to the now traumatized boy "Um… It's getting late. I should go now. I'm so awake. I need to be out… come on; you can walk me out…"

Shuichi's eyes couldn't stop staring at his now deformed bunny.

**(SPACE HERE)**

Even with the new found dread, he followed his new found 'friend' to the way he came in. the strawberry haired boy was mindful of the glass on the floor.

For the whole time that they were walking to the hall's end, they were quiet.

"Hey, sorry about the window but I noticed it was locked. I don't suggest you ever lock it again" Ri said, pulling out a big piece of glasses that he got from climbing the window, "Well later, and thanks for the disinfectant. It's been nice talking"

Like always before, Shuichi didn't as much utter a word the whole time.

On the other side, before disappearing into the darkness he said one last message to the boy, "But we have plenty of time for that. After all…" the man's evil like grin shinning in the dark like the devil's smirk.

"We're neighbors now…"

And with that he ran off to his own home.

"**MAMA! PAPA!**"

"I don't hear you honey"

"You ruined my life!"

And when Shuichi ran off to his own room that night, cowering beneath the covers; there was the singing of a chainsaw's shrill lullaby from his neighbor's house that kept him up all night.

**(SPACE HERE)**

_Dear Die-ary,_

_I went out today. Nothing much to talk about, just met the new neighbors. I told him not to lock the windows anymore, less he wants me to break another one. _

_Cheerleaders are** evil**…_


	2. Ask Another Question

A/N: I'm busy. So screw me. Hahaha, pretend Sakano is in this chapter. I'm too lazy to give descriptions.

Disclaimer: Jhonen Vasquez owns the plot. Maki Murakami owns the characters. Me? I know I own something… Yes! I own Happy Noodle Boy!! Wait… Johnny made him? Wait… so that makes it that Jhonen owns him too… Damn! I still have Wobbly Headed Boy right? Wait… Jhonen owns him too??? FRUSTRATED!!

**Ask a Different Question**

"Hello, Madam! I'm conducting a survey for the neighborhood crime council. As you may know our city have recently been subject to a massive increase in hideously brutal mutilations"

In a city that has no name, in a street with dying houses carrying broken souls that are labeled by most of society as the unemployed; there a man wearing a pinstripe suit walked down the concrete. His black hair was brushed back, his glasses sitting smartly on his nose.

He carried along with him a clipboard and a fountain pen.

"… Now, I'd just like to ask you a few questions if you have the time"

The woman he talked to was morbidly obese, from where he stood- which was very close to her- he could see two empty slots that used to have teeth. Layers of flab protruded stretching the shirt she's wearing ('Damn, I'm NASTY!') to impossible degrees. Her hair- or what's left of it- was all bundled up in pink hair curlers.

"Well, I really hate to miss Oprah Windy but this whole mutilation thing is pretty upsetting, so ask away" her voice sounded restricted, almost as if she was just chocking our every word out of her throat.

'_Next, men who love eating human waste and the women who love to kiss them!'_

"Okeedokee! So… what do you think of murder?" clicking his writing tool's end, the tip ready to write down any important notes of some kind.

"Well…" the lady scratched her chin scratching for some sort of thought to help her in answering, "Just last week, I found my dead husband's headless body nailed to the wall, with his open chest cavity stuffed with human skulls…"

"Hm… mmm… right…"

"So, I'd have to say that it's… um…. Bad…?"

Fast forward to the next ten minutes and the interviewer man was strolling past the houses, whistling a happy tune. He picked his next house and while going over to the front door, he could see the sign standing on the dying ground, 'Keep off the loose soil'.

When he pushed the door bell, he could swear he heard the faint sound of electricity followed by the scream of sheer terror. Almost as if someone inside was being electrocuted.

He pushed the button again.

Footsteps after the second sound of the doorbell, and the door opened to small crack. And from that small gap poked out a yellow head that looked up to the survey man with loathe filled similarly golden eyes.

"Yes…?" those angry- or mad- eyes took a survey itself at him, as if making sure _he _wasn't going to go ballistic if he opens up the door to this complete stranger.

"Hello, there… say, I couldn't help but notice your house number is 777. That's funny, isn't that, like, the number for heaven or something?"

"Does this look like heaven to you?" the blond boy slowly opened the door to his home, a picture of life never knowing love and so called heaven was present there.

The smile the man had on his face took a small pinch at it, "Oh no, I guess not… Hey, I think there's something wrong with your doorbell… See…"

Somewhere, deep within the secret bowels of the house…

"_Oh the pain…when will it end???????" the tortured victim screamed as bolts electricity fried his brain and rear end. _

Not bothering to divulge the reason for the doorbell's unconventional ways, the blond boy asked the man, "Did you want something?"

"Oh yes! I'm from the neighbor crime council; it's a survey on the recent wave of violent crimes. So, I'd just like to…"

"GET IN HERE!!!" the deranged teenager pulled the man inside his dark house, due to shock the man forgot to keep his wrist and found himself landing painfully on the floor. As he looked up, the blond boy shut the door with a big slam.

"What…?" he tried to fix his glasses.

"Two nights ago, I was taking a walk and this little Chihuahua started following me! GOD DAMN IT! IT KNEW!! I ran and finally lost it and made it home!" he looked angrily at the suit wearing survey guy, berating him with a story that the older doesn't know a hell or care about "BUT IT KNEW! IT KNEEEEEEW!!!!!!!!!"

"Sir… uh…"

The blond boy, going on as if he just downed a whole liter of crack grabbed the adult by the collar and looked at him searching for answers on the other sides of those glasses.

"DID THE DOG SEND YOU?????????????"

"No!! I'm just doing a survey!" and as if to help his defense, he added, "Honest!!"

"Oh…" calming down while realizing his mistake, "Okay…"

"So, what do you want to know??"

"Um… you know, this really isn't that important! I should leave!! Yes! Right now! Sorry to have disturbed… I mean bothered you!!!"

"Not at all!" the boy with messy blond locks assured, "I guess I needed a break, I was just drawing a comic, Happy Noodle Boy" indeed, on one corner there was a table on top was a spread of papers with the pictures of little stick figures "It's really popular with the homeless insane. Now, ask me questions! Lots of questions! Sit!"

With the last declaration being said, the boy pulled a box out of nowhere with the words 'Human Soul Containment Unit' plastered on the side. When the pinstriped suit man sat on the box, he couldn't but wonder what really was inside the box.

(A/N: 'Human soul containment unit'… that's Jhonen's box!)

"Um… all right… Er, okay, so what are your views on this current surge of violent crimes? And what can be done to protect the people?"

The boy looked at him funny; the blond settled into another crate and gathered his thoughts.

"Hm… the violent crimes?" he placed a thoughtful hand on his chin, looking up at the ceiling, "All perfectly natural in a society whose advances are limited to its technology. The basic behavior of modern man is hardly different from that of its primitive ancestors; the only noticeable changes are trends…"

It seemed rather strange to the man in his suit that these words were all said by a youth who seemed to be a perfect example of a juvenile delinquent.

"Whether in a suit or in a loincloth, people are ignorant little thorns cutting into one another" the yellow orbs went to look down at the floor, his hands clawing at the hem of his shirt, "They seem incapable of advancing beyond the violent tendencies which at one time were necessary for survival… God, am I boring you??"

"Oh no! No! Go on! I am here to listen!" _Dear GOD, please let me live through this day. _"The second one… you still haven't answered… the one about the…"

"Oh! For protecting people…? Well, that's a bit of a paradox, at least from what I know; I'm sure that if you searched into the lives of some of these victims you would find out that they themselves were the cause of their very deaths

"In those cases, the so called 'victims'" he emphasized the word with the help of his fingers, "At some earlier time played some part in the creation of their 'killer'. I believe that the life ended for the fact that it was wasted on something that would never evolve beyond the childish cruelty so many never cast off"

"Oh… okay…" looking very clueless, not even listing a letter of what the boy had said.

"Now, ask another one…" he said, looking very much interested in this little interview.

"Sure… Mm…" not wanting to be the cause of any annoyance to the boy, he glanced down to his papers and looked for a question that the maniac might like "So what do you think of the idea that violence on television and other media, have a negative affect on kids and other impressionable minds?"

He heard the other snicker; he took it upon himself to life his eyes from the words on his pad and could see the boy was close to cracking.

"Any pile of stunted growth unaware that entertainment is just that and nothing more, deserves to doom themselves to dank cells somewhere for having been so stupid!!!" he doubled over at what he thought was the most amusing thing he heard, "Movies, books, TV, music- they're all just entertainment! Not guidebooks for damning yourselves!!"

"These are some fantastic answers! I'm sorry I was so nervous before, but don't worry now I'd be glad to go on with the questions" the survey man smiled and felt the terror from before fade away, "I've got one but its pretty weird… You might remember the girl found behind the mall, very strange. She was drained of all her blood; police think that the killer might have some sort of vampirism thing… like he drinks his victim's blood…! What do you think?"

Without the sound of another heartbeat, two extremely sharp knives pulled out of nowhere were carefully making soft but lethal contact to his neck. His host was not anymore sitting on his own box but was standing in front of the man, his eyes trained on him with all the anger and annoyance one could muster.

"I NEVER DRANK HER BLOOD!!!!!!!!!" maniac mode was on, and he was going delirious at the thought that everyone sees him as some sort of blood sucking creature without feelings, "BUT I NEEDED IT!!!!!!"

"YOU SEE!!" he pointed to a wall that was badly painted with red paint or… "It changes color when it dries!! It never stays!! I HAVE TO KEEP THE WALL WET!!"

"_Oh my god…_"

"I hope Papa would like my drawing!"

Shuichi was happily walking home from school; he was carrying a piece of paper in his cute little hands. It was a picture he made with the broken crayons he scraped on the floor. He drew a very crude looking angel- give him a break, he's just seven years old.

He passed by the scary neighbor's house, and without warning the window on the left suddenly exploded, throwing away shard of glasses here and there. And from the outburst flew out a very huge thing.

Whatever it was.

It landed right in front of the pink haired boy.

And _it_ happened to be the survey man. This time, he was without his two hands and left foot. What was left of the man's limbs were just the bones, a few veins that used to connect certain limbs and blood oozing out from those casualties.

He also lost his glasses.

"Ask a different question!!"

Shuichi ran away as fast as he can, dropping his childish sketch along in the air, screaming away.


End file.
